Compositions

Poems

When a man has practically died:

I can think but I cannot judge,
I can feel but I cannot appreciate,
Its not the emotions that I lack,
but I suffer from rational thinking and sanity
I have nothing to loose and nothing to gain,
still the fear of losing everything is a pain,
I can feel my pride burning and soul stammering
and the body dying of vapidity
and the sanguine hopes fading away
The light has lost his power as the darkness shines
Where is the God?What is my crime?
I have always lived the willpower of life
which was an abettor when I lived
as there were no more words to learn
The graveyard is still a fresh memory
I wonder what remains alive, my virtues or my vice.

Destineless:

Moving with the crowd beholding back my identity,
My past smiles away to my mistakes and my decisions,
The callow shadows of my future is struggling in the mass,
I donot want time to do the judgement
I dont want to be destineless

Enjoying the every confused moment of the time
Articulating every decision to that time to myself,
I donot want to look back to it
I fear I wont(it means habitual here) be destineless,
I dont want to be destineless

Still planning for making the dream come true,
Still gazing to another new dream,
I am waiting to see them happenning,
I cannot afford to waste them away,
I dont want to be destineless

Articles

Expectations:

I tried to reconcile with my restless inner being to place myself at rest. But the results were not optimistic and were vapid. I tried to teach him the effects of the worst enemy of humans- aimlessness and the second in the row - expectations. He agreed. But still there was a inharmony between us. I guess he( inner being) wanted to accept the existence of my friend's presence. So I waited for the same....................and hey!I got something, I guess this is the time, I have to let that inharmony pass through me. I am happy again.

I need someone to talk. But there is none. As the world has collapsed to the reality, my emotions has taken the background. So, here I am again writing again. My words is all I think l I have to talk with. They are good listener. They obey my commands. But they cannot think and they cannot feel. I dont know whether I am living vicariously but now I have felt my words talking to me back. Its amazing. They are like their best friend who will alaways support you. I have lost my will to find a good friend in a human. I think the problem is with me. I think I attach my expectations with the person and that is where my relation ends. Ha Ha!!! I wonder what is a best friend then? I can think that why people said that Computer is the most fucking innovation after Rennaisance. Can you feel the power of computer right now where on one hand I am typing my words and on the hand there is a dumb listener which I know who will never response. What a irony.....
The main reason I am writing this chapter of my life, is that I was looking for someone to whom I can talk. I drank a lot but still my consciousness is with me. I guess I am making a mistake again . I think both my unconscious and conscious minds have taken a same place. But then Whatever...
I was acting myself in front of a person whom I considered as mine or my good friend. I dont know.But the options are restricted to them . But then , he acted like my feelings are stranger to him . This placed me to a position to question myself whether it was me who was wrong or was he? I think I am being an arbitrator but I have to to correct my error so that it doesnot become a mistake. I think the real culprit is the expectation . I expected that he will understand me and he expected me to be more logical to his expectation. But then its in Humant to attach onself with the other. Isn't it?

Still drinking and living........

Practicality:

Practicality is adaptation of the rules laid by the society. Say you want to do something in your own way. But Hey boy!! Watch it. What are you doing?You have to do it in a way that fits into public and is concord with their needs. You need to understand their needs and then sow your idea according to the winsome of people. What are intellects then? Are there any real intellects? Because all people live in society and they learn from the society, isn't it? So, the so called NEW idea was there and it just somehow attracted your attention and Hey! you invented something.

I think virtuality is a better option then where you could anything you like and in way you REALLY wanted to do it. Some may argue that isn't just another bootless idea to consider? It's just a penny not worth considering. Obviously you will do it in your own way because there is no one to stop it.No one to check it. No one to critize it. No one to praise it. No one to share it. No one to feel it. Some may say it may produce evil. But on the brighter side of the sanguine hopes, dont you think people won't think of evil at all. They will put their panoply of efforts into CREATING something. Something free of mind. Something they really want. Something they think is correct. Something which gives them happiness or pain(?). Something free of society and something free of rules. It may not be good to other people. It may not be the quintessence of wisdom. But who are they to deciced and on what standards, on what moral sense and by what code. Doesn't everyone these days have their own concept of what is right and what is wrong.I wonder why it is difficult to shift into virutality. Damn me!! I wish I could somehow free my mind from the normal conventions of the society and can really put my mind somewhere where I can think beyond normal, beyond conventional, beyond good and bad, beyond feeling and emotions, and beyond me.

Random:

A melange of happiness and sadness and a cocktail of good and evil.The life we live.

There is a different life behind the conventional rules and constraints of life. A difference as clear as a soul which exists but you cannot see through it neither can you see it. "The life, which you can live upto the extent of virtuality." You may realize that the conscious life is an amortization to the conscious death. There will be pain, there will be happiness, there will be life but there won't be practicality. Its all yours but the condition is that you have to BELIEVE and say that "Its Mine". Once you realize that its yours, you can live with it. You can realize and set the goals you always want to acheive. There will be emotions and there will be pain. There will be no creater but the creation. A place where everything will be in harmony except the pressure of the society, the pressure and joy of expectations and the pain it incurs. There will be solitudeness but not the absolute. You will be happy and gay . But is that what you want? It will make you sick . It will will wither and die eventually. So, is it the utopia or the hell? What is heaven??